another vision in my sleep

for those of you who don't know,  i often have dreams with clear and poignant messages...(well, we all do, it's not like i have some secret power outside of the general population...) it's just that  isn't rare for me to dream something, and then a month or two down the road, it happens...

for instance, three days before my grandfather died back in '99, i had a dream where one of dead aunts showed up at my house--which was full of every person i had ever known in my life--and she asked where my grandfather was, and then took him with her...then another time, and this was more recent, i had a dream that i won the 'professional appearance award'--don't laugh--at work, and i got this fancy certificate for it... and then just last friday the dean of my department brought me into her office and explained to me that my professionalism has thoroughly impressed her, and that she is hoping to help me find that full-time position i now deserve...which kicks ass! 

and so last night it happened again...and i think this time, i might need some insight from any of you folks out there who dabble in grant writing.

so the dream goes:

i'm sitting in a cafe around lunch time, and i'm waiting for some people to show up for a meeting we have scheduled.  i'm not nervous or anything, rather i'm pretty comfortable.  the only thing i'm exploring emotionally is the thought that i am younger than anyone else who is coming to speak with me, so my demeanor is very adolescent.  i'm hunched over the table and chewing on this bright orange peice of something or other--maybe plastic or rubber??--it kinda looks looks like one of those lance armstrong bracelets...okay, so then these two men in suits show up.  i never see their faces, because they never sit down, but they are white and very conservative looking.  all i see is their bodies from the neck down--navy jackets with ties and slacks...they are both dressed exactly the same, and they are holding those fancy leather bound folders that corporate people hold when they go to merger meetings or some shit like that... 

so basically, i'm just sitting there, chewing...and then i notice saliva is all over my mouth and i start to get self-consious.  i mean slobbering on yourself doesn't generally denote good etiquette.  and that's when they tell me this:

we have money for you in the form of a grant, and it has to do with public speaking.  you can have the money if you figure out how to ask for it.

and they leave, and i'm still chewing, saliva drooling out of my mouth, and i'm feeling anxiety, and i wake up.

thanks.  great.  appreciate it. 

sounds easy enough, right?

wrong.

i realize the saliva is probably a symbol of speaking, and i know orange is the color of the second chakra, which represents change and socialization and movement and polarities and emotions...i have this book, wheels of life, and concerning the second chakra--the orange centered vortex of energy located in the lower abdominals between the naval and genital region--it says:

"the second chakra is related to the moon.  like the moon's pull on the tides, our desires and passions can move great oceans of energy.  the moon rules the mysterious , the unseen , the dark, and the femimine.  this gives the center a very subtle power of its own as we move from our depths outward to create change in the world."   

so, i'll be creating change in the world through speaking??? because this seems odd to me; counseling is rooted in deep listening, which is the polar opposite of speaking...

and why do i have to figure out how to ask for stuff? this frustrates me.   why can't it just be given?  i swear to god, it's like i cursed myself when i was a bunch of gas up inside the cosmos before coming down to this wretched planet and becoming me...i had to go and make everything so fucking hard for myself...be born into a poor family, have weird parents, support myself from the time i was a teenager, fight for education while working multiple jobs...and now i have to figure out how to write a grant so i can run around the country and talk to people...

wait, that last part actually sounds pretty good, right? 

clearly, this is a sign that i need to learn to write grants.  and i think this is smart, because if i can fine tune this talent, then i can write my way through my professional career, taking on projects that not only change every few years, but also center around what i'm interested in.

so are there any good books/workshops/seminars on grant writing that anyone knows about?  lemme know if there are...cause i guess the money's waiting...

Comments

[aaron]

I am a professional speechwriter, kid you not.

I'd be happy to help with whatever you need, however I suffer the same affliction of not knowing how to ask for things thus have no idea how to write a grant.

But wait, I just realized I have people I can ask. I'll do that and get back to you.

[aaron]

Two immediate online resources are:

fdncenter.org
www.compasspoint.org

[aaron]

Got a second referral to the Foundation Cener, so that should be your best first stop. Onward!

[jennifer]

And, you had the dream the night of a full moon...