The Verbal Droooolings of a Marked Psychopathic Deviate: oprah is stealing my thunder...

ya know, i'm pissed. really, truly pissed.

apparantly, if you have some fancy television show that broadcasts all over the world and a hot-off-the-press magazine with your big fat face on it, your literary opinion means more than someone, who say, is a lowly paid college professor and graduate student. i guess it means people are more apt to listen to you. respect you. and take into consideration what you have to say in regards to the world around you.

it all started about a week or so ago...i was reading some of my old blog entries and came across 'ethics and other bullshit.' it was here that i begged and pleaded my narrow little blog audience to pick up a book by my new friend james frey called a million little peices. of course, i recieved 0 comments. (thanks, guys. appreciate it.) anyhow, i clicked on the link to his website that i provided and found him to be thanking oprah. and i was perplexed, thinking, "why's he thanking oprah?" and so i scroll down, reading more...i find out his book is number 1 on every friggin book list possible...and there are cameras following him wherever he goes to do book signings, oprah's cameras to be exact.

turns out she picked his book for her book club this month. and to that i say fabulous! really. frey deserves some recognition for his powerful prose, but the thing that ticks me off is that i have been bragging about this memoir for weeks, months even. i have been preaching the good word about this story, how amazing it is, how it picks you up and makes you twist and makes you turn and makes you think and feel and consider what it means to make it through one more day. just one more day.

and the only person out there in the whole wide world that listened to me was none other than my wild child sidekick, shari. that's right. shari. way to pull through 'ole girl. i lub you. i do. the rest of you i spit on. how dare you doubt me. is this what it takes? do we need some billionaire shoe whore to tell us what to read and what not to read? huh? is that the way we are choosing to live? is it? because that's the way it seems to me. stupid oprah.

AND! it doesn't stop there. there's another one of my fave books that she is now preaching about---and no offense, but this book is soooooo march '05; she should really get with it if you ask me. it seems that next week she's having Janeatte Wells on the show, the author of The Glass Castle. yeah, this book most definitely fits into my top five of 2005--not that any of you care, because you obviously don't. but if you did, i would tell you to read this memoir because it is mindblowing. i thought i grew up poor and neglected, but after reading this book i realized i was only kind-of sort-of poor and neglected. so that's good. but Wells is a gossip columnist in nyc, writes for msnbc, and you would never-EVER!-guess her upbringing. it's bold and savvy, and the most amazing thing about her voice and her interpretation of her existence is her unwillingness to take on the role of victim. profound character that takes, right? and just to demonstrate a point, i would also like to mention that i recommended this book to about a million friends. guess who actually read it? that's right. it was shari. (all the sudden i'm beginning to think shari and i might be literary soul mates...novella novias...my bookish better half...)

anyhow, i just want you all to know that i forgive you. each and every one of you. i do. i understand the risk of trusting someone's ideas about art and culture when they do not own a corporate monopoly. i get it. afterall, we do live in america, the land of freedom, the land of choice. and it's up to you to choose who to believe, who to relate to. and oprah is more relatable. i mean, i don't know about you, but i definitely understand what it's like to have four ginormous mansions and two jet planes and so much godforsaken money that i could burn a million just for the fuck of it. that's cool. so i guess all that needs to happen for me to be taken seriously in terms of my taste is for me to generate billions of dollars of wealth. got it. i'll put that in my pocket (which is ridden with moth eaten holes) and keep it.

and as for you oprah, get off my blog bitch! quit stealing my ideas. god. think for yourself, you slut.

Comments

Per your insistence, I did read The Glass Castle, and it was amazing. I would go one further to say that it isn't her unwillingness to be a victim, but it just doesn't seem to be a possibility. Her life was what it was, and the fact that she feels guilty for having what she has now--that's what affected me.

And I think Oprah is just gettin kick backs from those authors. She's like an agent - she takes 10-15% off the top to put it on her list - then it sells a go-jillion amount of copies and everyone is happy.

What you need, I've decided, is followers. Not necessarily just blog-readers but people that will automatically give in when you tell them to do stuff. Then come up with your own book list and when it starts to sell more books, you can get kick backs from authors and publishers too.

So far you've never steered me wrong on a book, so James whats-his-head is on the list of things to read when Christmas break comes. See you soon.

Posted by: jake | October 14, 2005 at 07:37 PM

HEY!!! if I had 20 bucks to spend on a book I would have taken your suggsetion. I am busy reading loaned books. Loan me your copy of Million Little Pieces and I will love it I am sure. How do you love the Lust Lizard your baby sis gave you? That book is hilarious. Lets start a book sharing group. Spread the word. Share the wealth.

Posted by: LisaLisa | October 14, 2005 at 08:07 PM

I agree 100% about Million Little Pieces - great book! I did pick it up because it was an Oprah book which is really out of character but I'm glad I did.

Posted by: a friend of a friend of a friend | October 16, 2005 at 03:26 PM