penis, oklahoma: volume two

after a two hour drive through the vapid countryside of oklahoma, we arrive in enid. it is me and corbin and my fancy dodge rental. we roll up into town and a nostalgic cloud of sameness falls over me. same trail motel; same winchell's donuts; same broadway tower; same security national bank.

i am expecting my old community to have evolved, to have ripened, to have flourished. but it hasn't; the same roads chart our route and the same additions section off houses. i used to drive around that town with my eyes closed, and now i am second guessing directions, wondering how to get to chestnut avenue.

we sit in the yard of corby's cousin's house, waiting to be let in; the sun is setting and horses run through the field just to the north of us. i breathe in the swooping air, remembering why we sang about the wind sweeping across the plains. and i chuckle.

"fucking enid," i shake my head and pull some grass from the soil.

"fucking enid," corbin cocks his head to the sky and scoffs. "this sure as hell aint california."

"you got that right."

"damn straight."

the cousin pulls up the road and parks in the drive. we say our hellos and wander inside the standard red brick home: three bedrooms and a couple baths. there is floral wallpaper with forest green and golden trim; candles sit in pastel colored holders with wicks that have yet to be lit; pictures from college football games reveal sweet smiling faces; faces i used to know.

we have an hour to kill, as we are meeting corbin's aunt, my old english teacher, at the country club for dinner: a place my family was never apart of; a world a savings account away. betrayal consumes me, as the enid i know is on the other side of town, the side where porches creek and ceilings leak and daddys drink till they can't see me anymore.

when i was a child i thought everything would be okay if i lived in a house like the one i am now standing in. i figured this would solve my imperfect self, dispersing the shame i held for never feeling good enough and never feeling worthy. but as i look around i understand the courageous myth i foretold me way back then; one day this will all mean nothing.

circumstance is liquid.

i unpack my goods in the guest bedroom and patiently wait for corbin. i am nervous, wondering what people thought of me then and how they will recieve me now, the return of the prodigal friend.

"ya ready?" corbin taps on the door.

"ready." i stand on my feet and straighten my shirt for presentation's sake. "let's eat, i'm starving."

we strap in the neon and venture on our way. it is dark now, and the town is sleeping. no traffic, no movement, just crickets, the silly crickets who sang me to sleep every night i went to dream.

"hey, you wanna hear my impersonation of enid?" corby breaks the silence.

"let's hear it, big boy," i say as a sly smile crawls up my right cheek.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" his voice inflects the cattle we used to harrass as kids.

i collapse with laughter, this shakes my nerves away.

"ah, babe. it's good to be home," i tell him. "i missed you."

"oh yeah?" corby says. "i missed MOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! too."

i throw in my tribe called quest and we bounce our way to the club, feeling good, feeling funny, feeling like we did on some random day back then...

Comments

[Risa]

Delicious stories, ju-ju. I look forward to reading more tales from the briar patch.
Risa