the following is a snippet from my present world--the highlight, one might say, to an excruciating week. and before you dare ask, it is, in fact, very true...
Baby Mamas are Cool; Baby Mamas are Great
a short scene from the movie memoir of my life
by judith dumont
setting:Wednesday, November 8, 2005 1:13pm; community college classroom in drabass, texas.
class just finished, students filtering out while slapping high fives to one another cause they officially understand the proper use of semi-colons. this is all thanks to the invention of grammar poker by the lovely and talented and very young professor...
p, a 20 yr. old black (ahem, african-american) dude, approaches teacher, intelligent and savvy hot babe, as others leave the room.
***
p (or piddy--the class has given him this nickname. ya see, he's so piddy, he makes all the girls smile...): yo teach.
me: yes, piddy.
p: uh..i can't come to class on friday.
me: how lazy of you.
p: nah, teach, it aint like that.
me: then how is it? do you have better things to do than attend my class?
p: ah, i always gots stuff to do, you know that.
me: are you skipping cause you're gonna go see fiddy in his new movie during the matinee for the discount price? because let me tell you secret: you can get the discount anytime with your student i.d...so don't tell me it's cause of fiddy. that aint right.
p: nah...it aint like that.
me: then what. tell me why you have no time for me. you know how sensitive i am, it hurts my feelings when people skip my class. so why do you insist on breaking my heart, piddy? please tell me why.
p: see, it like this...it my baby mama's sister's baby daddy's weddin' down in h*town and i can't miss it cause he my boy and i aint seen my kid since summer and i gotsta see my baby and my baby mama cause she all crazy bout me puttin ballin and learnin before her and my lil girl.
me: i guess i could consider that important.
p: it is yo. it real important.
me: okay. i'll let you slide this once. but the only way i won't count you absent is if you can tell me the rule right now for the semi-colon.
p: c'mon, man. why you puttin me in the lights like this?
me: whatever. you play basketball twice a week in front of a whole gym full of people, and here you are nervous about tellin little ole me about the damn rule for a semi-colon.
p: a'ight. but don't laugh at me teach.
me: (gasping) i would never.
p: semi-colons. (rubs hands together and smiles.) well, you see, to use one of them there things you have to have them verbs and them subject things on both sides. that way they balance out like a scale and stuff. and it a weak period, like you wanna continue the thought even though it already complete and stuff.
me: good. write an example on the board.
p picks up dry erasor marker and writes the following:
baby mamas are cool; baby mamas are great.
me: wow. that's good. great even. i'm impressed.
p: yeah i thought you'd like that.
me: indeed i do. see you monday and have fun and buy your baby some diapers.
p: i will. trust that. i takes care of my girls.
me: i'll see you in class on monday.
p: not if i don't see you first suckah.
me smiles.
p flashes his teeth and waves while running out the door.
***
Dudith,
I need to play some grammar poker cuz, check it, yo. My cat's dog's eatin' my student's speeches n shit.
Translate from bad slang to whitenese: I need a refresher in grammar.
Posted by: Risa | November 28, 2005 at 10:29 PM